you know...

It's interesting to go back and re-read this thing... revisiting old thoughts. memories. feelings... seeing how far i've come and how much i've grown as a person (in SO many ways) while also realizing how far i've left to go...

i really don't know if i'll ever figure it out.

i mean, really... how many times will i make the same old mistakes? find myself in the same old crisis? Fearing the same old fears?

what am i doing with this life? i really don't know.

sometimes it feels so important. other days i wonder if i'm just wasting it completely. I'm 31 years old!! Geez. How the hell did that happen?? And where did the last 7/8/9 years go?? And what do I have to show for them? Ha. Yeah... SUCH a long way to go.

It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was just out of college. Fresh. New. Green. Trying to figure it all out... What's my excuse now? I still feel like it should be okay for me to use that as an excuse, but I know that's just not the case anymore. I HAVE figured it out... a lot of "it", anyway, but sometimes it feels like every other 31 year old in the world knows something I don't. I mean, don't MOST people have their shit together by this time in their life?! Hmm. Yeah. I also figure that a lot of people, regardless of how much they actually DO, can often feel as though they don't.

So, where does that leave me?

Normal. Average. Self-questioning 30-something...?

No way. This is DO know for sure.